One of my biggest fears as a mom is being judged. Does my mother-in-law think her son is a better parent than me? Do my relatives disagree with my infant’s nap routine? Do my seemingly perfect new mommy friends doubt my disciplining decisions? However, I never thought I would have to fear what my baby was thinking, until the day she took her morning bottle and gave me the proverbial “finger”!
Maybe she thought I was doing a crappy job OR maybe, she knew a laugh was exactly what I needed to relieve one of my stressful first-time mommy moments. Want to impress people with your baby bonding skills? Learn 5 things your sweet little bundle of joy may be telling you about your parenting style and more.
Sign 1: He falls asleep on your shoulder.
Translation: You are too boring for him.
Sign 2: Her head falls back when you go to kiss her.
Translation: Hey mom, have you heard of a tic tac, certs, gum, anything?
Sign 3: As she begins to dose off, your voice startles her causing her hands to fly up in the air.
Translation: What the F! I’m sleeping.
Sign 4: His eyes roll behind his head.
Translation: You obviously don’t know what you are doing.
Sign 5: He grabs your nose.
Translation: Your schnoz is too big!
I’m not saying I had the glow…you know the best compliment anyone can give an expecting mom. I mean, I was a mom-to-be who missed her glow because IT NEVER CAME. Not even a sprinkle of it. I waited for the moment to make strangers squint because I blinded them with my illuminating, bright and shiny everything-is-perfect pregnancy sparkle. Nope, It never happened.
Don’t get me wrong. I loved the idea of being pregnant. I couldn’t wait to try to conceive, take a test and watch it turn positive. Finally, I can be one of those high fashion women walking around the city showing off her adorable bump in designer maternity workout clothes with a permanent smile on my face.
I vowed to go to the gym three times a week, drink plenty of warm water (my fave) and continue to eat my top three meals, chicken parm, sushi and burritos. At 5 weeks and 6 days pregnancy was everything I expected it to be and more. I was happy and feeling great. On the first day of week 6 I jumped into the shower. As the water splashed into my mouth I had a bitter aftertaste. I knew I was about to vomit, but instead of being scared I was siked! Is it really happening? Am I experiencing my first episode of morning sickness? Gagging never felt so rewarding. Yes! Another sign that I’m really going to have a baby.
Let’s just say I factored in one or maybe two uninvited visits from the morning sickness monster, but never did I prepare for the nausea to last throughout my entire pregnancy. No longer, could I walk on the treadmill without getting motion sickness, think about chicken, guzzle down warm water or even let the image of sushi or burritos float in my head without dashing to the bathroom. I experienced many sleepless nights, false fears, and prayed for the lurking queasiness to go away. I battled with the condition up to the day my daughter arrived. The moment I looked at her wrinkled face and big eyes I knew it was all worth it and then…I asked the nurse for a bucket!